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Mansplaining

A Killer of Communication

· Communication,Relationships,Couples

So, what do women want in communication? Mansplaining is not it. We have to recognize that all people have a desire to have a voice. We have to recognize that all people want their thoughts and feelings acknowledged and validated. One of the most common struggles that men have in communication is this inherit drive to fix instead of listen. In all fairness, we are often well meaning in this. We see someone that we love struggling with an issue and we go in to problem-solving mode. We take an emotionally charged situation or struggle that our wife is dealing with and we try to give a step-by-step fix. This is not usually the appropriate response. Much more often, what is needed is reflective listening. What is that? Well, simply put, it is a way of communicating an understanding of where the other person is coming from without judgement or a quick-fix. It is about validation. A person feels most validated when their feelings are truly considered and appreciated. IT IS NOT a PROBLEM-SOLVING SESSION. There will be time for that later, if it is requested.

Here is an example of mansplaining:
 

Wife: I had a tough day at work today. I just felt like nothing was going my way. I wanted to scream and walk out of the door.
Husband: It’s probably because you’re just tired. Why don’t you just get a different job?
😞

Active Listening looks more like this:
 

Wife: I had a tough day at work today. I just felt like nothing was going my way. I wanted to scream and walk out of the door.
Husband: That sounds really stressful. Would you like to talk about it?

(Note: Put down the devices, sit down in a comfortable place together, make eye contact, hold her hands.)

This communicates, love, respect, and togetherness. Guys, we know we are messing this up when we hear terms like, “Nevermind,” “Emotionally unavailable,” or we see the head go down and our wives shut down or withdrawn. Other times, we may experience a bit of defensive push back. "You never listen to me..."

The good news is that their is hope!😃 Just remember to actively listen and be in the moment. Don't try to fix!

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